GLORIA JOKES One more proof that Erap is no longer president is that his radio-TV show, "Jeep ni Erap," is no more. It will be replaced by a new show, "Stroller ni Gloria." GMA is wear designer clothes by Osh Kosh, shoes by Barbie. GMA should appoint Sen. Juan Flavier as vice president because he is the only one she can see eye-to-eye with. The reason GMA was late in moving to Malacañang yet is because her high chair is not ready.
FOOT ERAP WAS SINGING AND DANCING WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER. HE GOES "PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT IN PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT" SUDDENLY HIS WIFR CORRECT HIM AND SAID NO DARLING YOUR WRONG. IT'S FEET NOT FOOT. ERAP: OK THANKS. SO HE SING IT AGAIN AND IT GOES "FOOT YOUR RIGHT FEET IN FOOT YOU RIGHT FEET OUT????!!!!! Update Date April 30, 2001 Submitted by Pepe. Scenario: Erap in a restaurant Waitress: Sir, are you done? Erap: No I'm not Dan, I'm Erap. Waitress: No, I mean are you finish? Erap: No, I'm a Filipino. Waitress: (Naku) No sir, what I mean is are you through? Erap: Ano ka ba! Syempre totoo ako. Hinde ako peke. Update Date May 3, 2001 Submitted by Pepe. (_!_) Regular Ass (__!__) Fat Ass (!) Tight Ass (_*_) Sore Ass (_E=mc2_) Smart Ass (_x_) Cute Ass (_ERAP_) Dumb Ass Update Date May 4, 2001 Submitted by Pepe. Kinds of Minds: Aristotle: great mind Einstien: genius mind Newton: extraordinary mind Marcos: brilliant mind Erap: never mind Update Date May 7, 2001 Submitted by Pepe.
ERAP'S DIARY Saturday, April 28, 2001 Dear Diary, Looks like I will be having more time writing to you. It's been a terrible week, Diary. Terrible. It's one indignayshun...indignituin....indig...they've insulted me. Fingerprinte like a common criminal! They took my mugshot like I was an ordinary thief! Well I'm not! I was....I am...I'm...basta President ako. Good thing my loyal friends are putting up a fight for me. I can hear them chanting all the way from the EDSA Shrine. "Sunduin si Erap" hehehe. It fattens my heart. Nakakataba ng puso. It's been three days since they've put me in this cell. May aircon nga wala naman mahjong table. Wala din TV. How do they expect me to live this way? The humiliation! Oh the discomfort! Walang bacalau! Walang red wine! Malakas humilik si Jinggoy di ako makatulog. I miss Loi. I miss Laarni. et al. (Hoy hindi bagong tsiks yan si Et al ha... it means "and all the others." Nalaman ko yan nung nabasa ko yung isinampang kaso sa akin ng Ombudsman.) Huhuhuhu...mga walang hiyang abogado yan. Kala ko pa naman magagaling. I thought they were good. Pati bahay gustong ipa aresto. They want a house arrest. Ang lalabo nila. Anyway, I shall sleep and rest. Tomorrow is another day. Ang pag asa ko na lang ay key FPJ para iligtas niya ako. Update Date May 15, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
VARIOUS PINOY POLITICAL JOKES Manoling Morato: Kung nakinig lang kayo sa akin noong nakaraang election, di sana tayo ganito ngayon. Mas pinili pa ninyo kasi ang BOBO kesa sa BAKLA. Pinoy Additions to the Dictionary: Imeldific - 3,000 pairs of shoes Erapic - pinoy mafia Miriamic - La Vida Loca-loca Two more bank accounts were discovered at Citibank. Jinggoy's under the name of Jose Velarde Jr and another one owned by Jude under the name Josie Velarde. Update Date May 17, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
VARIOUS PINOY POLITICAL JOKES II After witnessing Miriam go ballistic last Thursday, the nuns held an emergency meeting the following day and voted 22-0 to revert back the name of their school. Its back to MARYKNOLL! Miriam Defensor Santiago in different languages: Vietnamese: Pha Nget Shah African: Gha Gha Hindi: Bibi Lihin Japanese: Poo Tah Korean: Coo Rap Erap: Aba, malaking bituin! Dito na yata ang lugar kung saan ipinanganak si Kristo. Man: Nagkakamali po kayo. Erap: Bakit mo naman nasabi iyan? Man: Eh, kasi CALTEX ho ito!!! Update Date May 22, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. Newsflash: Ayaw na daw ng mga babae na magwitness sa impeachment trial! Kasi, ang tawag daw sa kanila ni Cong. Apostol ay "MADAM WETNESS"!!! Newsflash: Maceda & Enrile are plotting a coup d'etat. Enrile wants to be president and Maceda First Lady. And John Osme?a wants to be First Mistress. Update Date May 28, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
VARIOUS PINOY POLITICAL JOKES IV Mga makabagong mura: - Si Miriam ang ina mo! - Anak ka ni Miriam! - Mukhang Erap! Si Delia Rajas, COOK. Si Atong Ang, CROOK. Si Miriam,COOCOOROOCOOCOOK! Dito sa impeachment trial si Erap maaaring tama. Si Chavit maaaring tama.Si Ocampo maaaring tama. Si Dichavez maaring tama. Pero sigurado si Miriam, malaki ang tama! Now showing: "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly" starring: Loren as the The Good, Nikki as The Bad, Miriam as The Ugly, with special participation of John Osme?a as Pretty Woman. Update Date May 31, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
VARIOUS PINOY POLITICAL JOKES V Si Gloria kasalubong si Erap lasing. . . Erap: Pangit 3X Gloria: Lasing 3X Erap: Di bale, bukas di na ako lasing, eh ikaw pag gising mo, pangit ka pa rin. The prosecution is now after a joint account of FPJ and Erap, allegedly under the name FERNANDO JOSE. Jinggoy: Mommy, tingnan mo si Chavit, ang bobo sa math. Paanong naging governor 'yan? Update Date June 4, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. Loi: Psst! Huwag kang maingay. . . yung Daddy mo nga naging Presidente! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, This is Miriam as she wakes up in the morning. Interviewer: Miriam, you deviated from the usual career path of attacking Erap to defending Erap, isn't that so? Miriam: Not so. It's from a low paying job to a high paying one. Q: Why was Apostol cited for contempt of court? A: Because he kept saying, "Madame Wetness, pleys examine your Exhibit KiKiKi ober der . . ." Update Date June 11, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. Chinese name equivalents: Tessie A - Wan Mee Liun John O - Ba Deeng Ba Lato Enrile - Ma Go Lang Maceda - Gus Tola Laque Professional Fees: Mendoza - USD50M Daza - PHP100M Narvasa - PHP150M Flaminiano - PHP50 per objection, kaya panay ang object. Modern dictionary: a. colloquy (kol'ao-kwee) - a formal kahnverseyshen. b. loquy loquy (lo'kwee lo'kwee) a med kahw dizeez aka miramisis topakesis Defense Liars: Cronies: Mendo SA Dante TAN Narva SA Lucio TAN All Equals... SATAN Update Date June 18, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. Sherap Files: Q: Why did Erap and the LAMP Party choose orange as their uniform? A: They don't have to buy a new set of uniform when they go to jail. Prosecutor: Ms. Rajas, totoo bang sweldo mo bilang Cook kina Atong Ang ay P3,000 a month lang? Rajas: P5,000 po... kaso iyong P3,000 napupunta po kay Erap. Si Datu Puti, may suka. Si Rufina at Lorins may patis. Si Miriam may..TOYO. Legal terms: Duces tecum - documentary evidence Ad testificandum - witness is summoned Factum probandum - proven fact Imfacta Sanitarium - Miriam in court Lucio Tan - 25% Filipino, 75% Chinese Erap - 30% Filipinol 70% alcohol Ernie Maceda & John Osme?a - 50% Filipino, 50% Filipina Miriam D. Santiago - FLIP na! Update Date June 26, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
ERAP AFTER EDSA Mayroon pa ring ERAP jokes (no offense to erap-supporters...) 1. Erap sending text message to Laarni. Laarni, mahal wag kang mag alala sa aking kalagayan. Nandito ako sa Veterans hospital, magaling mga veterinarians dito, alagang-alaga ako. 2. EDSA 1 : free the nation from a dictator. EDSA 2 : free the nation from a thief. EDSA 3 : free lunch, dinner, breakfast and snacks too. 3. PRO-ERAP leader to rallyists at Mendiola. Leader : Kayo ba ay hinakot??? Masa : Hindi !!!! Leader : Kayo ba ay pinuwersa??? Masa : Hindi !!! Leader : Kayo ba ay binayaran ??? Masa : Hindi Pa !!!! Update Date June 29, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
ERAP AFTER EDSA..... 4. Miriam Santiago has been arrested for enciting sedition and she chose to be confined at the Mental Hospital. Mas "feel at home" raw siya doon. 5. Erap's conjugal visit schedule. Monday - Loi Tuesday - Ghia Wednesday - Laarni Thursday - Joy Friday - Weng Saturday - John Osmena Sunday - Ernie Maceda 6. May bagong wrist band si Erap - BAKAL. (Kasi nakakulong sya ngayon) Update Date July 2, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX.
ERAP AFTER EDSA..... 7. Miriam : Palpak ang Edsa 3 natin! Erap : Ha!? Bakit? Sabi mo mananalo tayo. Miriam : I Lied! I lied! Ha - ha - ha! 8. Sumikip raw ang dibdib ni Ernie Maceda while under custody at dinala siya sa St. Luke's Hospital. Binawalan siya ng doktor na... mag-bra pansamantala. 9. JV to Erap. JV : Dad, nasa "State of Rebellion" tayo ngayon! Erap : Bakit nila pinalitan ang pangalan ng Pilipinas? Ginaya pa nila sa "State of California". Update Date July 9, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. 10. The street where Miriam's house in UP Village has been renamed after her. The street sign now reads: "Miriam Santiago St." (formerly "Matino St." - he-he-he) 11. Nang bigyan si Erap ng prison uniform na may tatak na "P", napaiyak si Erap sa tuwa. Nagpasalamat siya at ang sabi "salamat at 'PANGULO' pa rin ako!" 12. Erap during his check-up at Veterans' Hospital. Doc : Ikinalulungkot ko po pero you have BRAIN TU-MOR. Erap : Pero doc, they say I have NO BRAIN, and now you say I have TWO MORE? Ang gulo nyo! Update Date July 16, 2001 Submitted by Pepe. Naglalakad sa park si Erap nang bigla siyang nakaramdam na parang may bumagsak sa balikat niya. Tiningnan niya ito at nagalit. "Lintek na ibon, iniputan ako." "Sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper," sabi ng katabing bodyguard. "Huwag na! Hindi na natin mapupunasan ang puwet ng mga 'yun. Malayona ang nalipad nila." Update Date July 23, 2001 Submitted by Pepe.
BAKIT DAW Q: Bakit daw ayaw pabuksan ng 11 senators ang envelope? A: Kase sa loob, may picture nilang lahat nag-oorgy! Q: Bakit ayaw daw pabuksan ni Erap ang envelope? A: Kasi andon daw ang grades niya nung highschool. Q: Bakit ayaw ni Miriam pabuksan ang envelope? A: Andon daw kasi ang picture niya, naka-two-piece! (pwe!)
PAYO Payo daw ni Bro. Mike kay Erap - "Magsisi ka."Ang ginawa ni Erap. Sinisi niya si Ramos, sinisi niya si Almonte, sinisi niyasi Cory, sinisi niya si GMA, etc. Update Date July 30, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. Jinggoy--- Itay, dentistry na lang kaya ang kukunin kong Kurso... Erap------ Anak, ang tagal naman ng Kurso na iyan, kailangan mo pang kumuha ng Dentist one, Dentist two bago ka mag Dentist three... Jinggoy---- Itay, 22 na lang pala ang alphabets ngayon? Erap------- Bakit Anak, ano ang nangyari sa ibang letra? Jinggoy---- Kasi narinig ko sa radio tatanggalin na ang ROTC Update Date August 6, 2001 Submitted by gg522 of Fort Worth, TX. Jinggoy and Erap in a museum. (Jinggoy looking at a mummy) Jinggoy: Dad, what's the meaning of 1232 B.C.? Erap: Anak, iyan ang plate number ng nakabangga sa kanya. Sa Hapon ang ibig sabihin ng DA ay tanga.Ang medyo tanga - HonDA Ang mas tanga - MazDAAt ang pinakatanga - EstraDA Meaning of ERAP: Erap Resign Para Angat ang Pinoy Erap Resign Awa ka sa Pilipinas Erap Resign Ala ng kaming Pasensiya Erap Resign Ayaw namin ng Palpak When Erap Got Drunk Print this page Update Date August 13, 2001 Submitted by Pepe.
AN OLD ERAP STORY
Erap was at a black tie party along with Reli German who
supplied him with a constant flow of Blue Label. All the
gentlemen came in black jackets, white shirts and black
ties and the ladies in black gowns.
Erap thought it was a boring party so he kept drinking his
Blue Label to get him through the night. Then he saw a lady
in a white gown. "Reli, that's the lady I like," Erap said.
"She is a non-conformist and a rebel. I think I will ask her
to dance." "Madam, would you care to dance with the President
of the Republic?" Erap asked.
The lady replied, "No, and I will give you 3 reasons why.
Reason No. 1, I don't know how to dance." "That's a legitimate
reason," Erap remarked.
"Reason No. 2, you are drunk," the lady continued. "That's your
opinion," Erap said.
"Reason No. 3, I am Cardinal Sin."
Update Date August 20, 2001
Submitted by Pepe.
Why does Erap have "TGIF" written on his shoes?
Toes Go In First.
How can you tell that it is Erap who sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
Why can't Erap dial 911?
He can't find the eleven on the phone!
How can you tell if Erap has been using your computer?
There is liquid paper all over the monitor.
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